Twas the Night before...

By

DAN SHARP

(with apologies to Clement C. Moore)

Poem published in Theriogenology, 1992

Twas the night before syngamy, and all through the tracts,

Metabolic pathways were essentially all lax

Secretions were placed in the uterus with care,

In hopes that a zygote soon would be there.

The gametes were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of union danced in their heads.

The ovum in zona, sperm in his cap,

Had settled their DNA for the long winter's nap.

When from the limbic system, there arose such a fuss,

They both were excited, their faces all flush.

Away to the vasa, the sperm they all flew,

And the follicle was ruptured, for meiosis II.

The sight in the tracts was a thing to behold,

The luster of proteins and secretions untold.

When what to the wondering egg should appear,

But dozens of sperm. On their way, it was clear.

More rapid than eagles these coursers they flew,

Lured by the prospects of the job they must do.

She whistled and shouted, and called them by name.

Urging them onward. To finish the game.

Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Now Prancer and Vixen,

On Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen.

"To the top of the isthmus, to the oviduct wall,

Now dash away, dash away, Go for it all."

And then, in a twinkling, she heard in the ampulla,

The beating and thrashing of their tiny flagella.

As she drew in her head, and was tumbled around,

Down the lumen they came with a bound.

The leader was dressed in his acrosome cap.

It glistened with protease, and narrowed the gap.

His tail, how it wiggled. His nucleus, how merry.

The glow from his face was as red as a cherry.

The end of his tail was drawn up like a bow,

How he managed to get there we never will know.

A likeable sperm. This jolly old elf,

Made her laugh when she saw him, in spite of herself.

He spoke not a word, but with an eye to the clock,

Passed all the cumulus, beat the polysperm block.

Laying aside his spermatozoan splendor,

And giving a nod, into the zona he entered.

He sprang to her nucleus. In syngamy did fuse.

And away they both flew, borne by the muse.

But I heard them exclaim as they flew down the isthmus,

"Best wishes to all. And to all, Merry Christmas."