Spermatic Journey

Oh the places you'd go, if you were a sperm,

Born in the testes, built like a worm.

Your home was the (tubule), a seminiferous place,

Moved to the (epididymus), 'til the day of the race.

Oh the interesting things a sperm gets to do,

there's the (cervix) to traverse, (oocytes) to pursue.

Your trip, it begins, at the time of (orgasm),

your journey of journeys through the vaginal chasm.

A fast slidey ride through the (vasa deferentia),

adds (accessory gland) fluids to your excellant adventure.

From (prostate) and (cowper's), (vesicular gland) too,

Come nutritious nutrients. To name just a few,

there's (fructose), and (citrate), and, oh what the hell,

that sticky, oleaginous stuff they call (gel).

Good luck on your journey. Chinese call it "Joss".

As you dare to plunge through the (cervical os).

Oh, what wonders you'll see, as in utero you go.

(Endometrial) secretions abound there, as you know.

The purplish protein, (uteroferrin), its name

gives rise to red blood cells. (Hematopoiesis), its game.

A protein, much smaller in size, and more acid,

keeps epithelial tissues from getting too flaccid.

It binds up a vitamin. The "A" kind, you know,

It's (retinol binding protein) a-go-go.

The "Ride of the Valkyries" seems relatively bland,

Compared to the way you sweep past uterine glands.

'Cause (uterine contractions) hurl you along,

faster than you can sing the old Beach Boy's song.

If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about,

"Look who's talking" right in the snout.

For a few extra points, hum a few bars,

Remember those sperm? They were real movie stars.

Oh the places you'll go, at a high rate of speed,

but, really, no really, you small lucky fellas,

Up 'til now, you've hardly used your (flagellas).

But soon, very soon, you SHOULD make them function,

'cause you've just been dropped at the (tubo-uterine junction).

Oh the places you'll go, from this point to (ampulla),

you might run out of gas. Should have been fuller.

Every fraction of inch you get closer to your goal,

burns (ATP), spins the (Krebs) cycle. You pour on the coal.

The tube that was named by Mr. (Fallopius),

has lines that would humble Bau Haus's Gropius.

At first, there's the very thick, muscular (isthmus).

You won't stay for long, not even for Christmas.

At the (A-I) junction, you breathe out a sigh,

as you realize that oocytes are close. They're near by.

There's something about them. What, I don't know,

But it makes you swim faster. You really go.

And then, in a frenzy you take the big plunge.

Only to find the zona pathway expunged.

Your awfullest nightmare. Your own very worst.

For another sperm has gotten there first.

The (zona reaction), and (polysperm) block.

have ended your trip. Stopped your biological clock.

Oh the things that you saw, places you went.

A mystery of life, that yours was just spent.